My inner voice finally got the best of me last night so I did a quick 30 minute sketch painting of 3 apples. There are parts of the painting I like and parts I don't like. I think my fear of painting stems from the fact that I don't control it and I don't know where it comes from. I sit down intending to do one thing and something else happens, happy surprises. I want to paint more, I really do. I also want to write more, read more, and sleep more, spend more time with my family, unfortunately there are only some many hours in a day. Something has to give and more often then not it's my creative endeavors. I'm sitting here writing this post when I could be painting or drawing but when I think of painting suddenly my mind is flooded with reasons I can't, why I shouldn't. I like to watch and read biographies of people that are so focused on there passion that they are willing to sacrifice everything to do what they are compelled to do. Part of my fear is giving in to that kind of passion, what would happen to me, I worry about my family? Yet another part of me knows that I'll never be my true creative self without letting go of the fear the holds me back, until that day I am condemned to live here in my self imposed purgatory.
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